Positive Self-Talk versus Realistic Self-Talk What is the difference?

I suspect that many people have heard of the term “positive self-talk” before. It is a term defined as “the practice of maintaining an optimistic, compassionate inner monologue, replacing self-critical thoughts with affirming and constructive messages.” Essentially, how you talk to yourself about yourself and the world.  It is often a term used in therapy, with good intent, but can feel “fake.” Some individuals have a difficult time implementing it as an effective self-care practice, because they don’t believe what they are telling themselves. This concept has come up in sessions with some of my clients in the past, and I have wanted to bring some clarity to this concept.

Here is what I think. While the concept is meant to be encouraging and supportive regarding one's inner monologue, it may not always encapsulate the reality of the situation, or speak realistically about the future. Positive self-talk is not necessarily a bad thing, but I believe that realistic self-talk is more effective. Positive self-talk focuses on potential and not necessarily on the facts or emotions related to the situation.

An example of positive self-talk is “Everything is/will be great.” What if we were able to reframe that into something more realistic and helpful? An example of realistic self talk related to the aforementioned statement looks like, “Challenges may come up, however, I have the skills to problem solve and the ability to choose how I react.” Having the ability to acknowledge potential in combination with the ability to include actual evidence and facts can reframe a statement that feels overly positive, but unrealistic into one that is believable, accessible, and inherently true.

Brittany Jesernik, LCSW
Healing Hearts of Manhattan

www.healingheartsofmanhattan.com

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